Dear Abby: My adult granddaughter, “Kaia”, is in a relationship with “Jenny”. Jenny’s stepmother does not believe in gay marriage or homosexuality. I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that Jenny’s family doesn’t accept Kaia or allow her into their home. Kaia is excluded from all parties and family functions.
I don’t know what to do or tell him about it. They are getting married in two months and Jenny’s family is still running away from her. How do I deal with these “holy-rollers” who use the church as a reason to hate my granddaughter? I don’t want to die knowing that she will have a miserable life ahead of her. Help me please.
— Support in California
Dear support: If Jenny’s family are really good Christians, they may not hate your granddaughter. They may follow a misdirection of loving the “sinner” but hating the “sin.”
I can’t advise highly enough that Kaia and Jenny discuss the ramifications of this family’s position BEFORE they get married. I’m surprised that Jenny attends family gatherings that Kaia is excluded from. If this continues after marriage, it could damage their relationship. A counselor from the nearest LGBTQ center would be helpful in facilitating this discussion.
Support your granddaughter and Jenny as much as possible so they know you’re always in their corner. Encourage them to cultivate their own “chosen family” as they step into their future.
Dear Abby: My husband, “Jonah”, comes from a large family. They are rude people who live in a small rural town and they don’t like strangers. Jonah and I have been together for 15 years (married for eight years) and I have never been invited to his mother’s house or any of his siblings.
We like to entertain, so they attend our end-of-year parties, where they literally walk in without greeting me. They eat all our food and leave without saying goodbye or even helping clean up. This is “pack behavior”. They all do this together.
I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to organize these events anymore. I feel bad in my own house. Jonah and I started cutting back on the number of parties we throw, and now they’re making rude comments about it. My husband agrees that this is a miserable and rude bunch of people, but that doesn’t help the situation.
I don’t want anything to do with them, and I don’t want to have to keep inviting a bunch of ungrateful individuals who don’t even have the common courtesy to talk to me. How can I make Jonas understand how I feel? Please help.
— Annoyed in New Jersey
Dear annoyed: if you expressed to your husband what you wrote in your letter, he understands, but does not want to acknowledge it.
The way his family treated you is deplorable. If you don’t want to entertain them, let your husband buy and prepare food and clean up without their help afterwards, while you go do something alone or with people whose company you enjoy. He can also visit his relatives without you if he wishes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.