Which Gay Bruce Springsteen Song Are You?

Everyone has a hungry heart, and so many gay men have a favorite Springsteen song. Somehow, simultaneously the straightest man alive and the old butch of a lesbian bar, opening beer bottles with a worn key. There is something about his timeless stories of desire; for love, for acceptance, for freedom from small-town confines and familiar faces that know a version of yourself you’ve been dying to escape from. The reason we many queer people love the boss is all the ways we come across in the words of a great North Jersey king.

Using the scientific method, we can tell which of Springsteen’s many gay songs you are. It’s a FUN exercise! I promise every gay Springsteen song is about you if you want. That’s kinda how it works baby. We’re taking you to the promised land.

You’re at a greasy spoon restaurant in a new part of town, with a surly chain cook but an overly friendly waitress who gently touches your shoulder as she delivers your breakfast. What do you order?(Obligatory)

You have a date in Asbury Park with a sweet guy who is a self-proclaimed pinball champion. What is the name/theme of the game you play to impress them?(Obligatory)

Your crush plays bass in a band playing a secret gig downtown on a Friday night. You just stand within sight so you can take fleeting glances at each other. How do you dance?(Obligatory)

You’re going on a third date with a girl you’ve already said I love you too, she says go get your dog, have a latte and meet her in the quiet corner of the park. What outfit do you wear your dog in?(Obligatory)

You’re leaving in the middle of the night, taking a one-way street out of this town forever. What is the vehicle that helps you reach the promised land?(Obligatory)

A girl you matched with on Lex asks if you can only eat one type of cheese for the rest of your life, what would it be? You reply(Obligatory)

Your tote bag, the one you got by contributing to the kickstarter of an independent magazine you know you’ll never read, spills out into the park. What is the least surprising thing that falls?(Obligatory)

It’s the 4th of July, you’re in a park, what game are you playing?(Obligatory)

On a first date, you engage in a debate about what, in your mind, is the great American novel. What book are you advocating for?

You get a tattoo on a whim when the cute artist you follow on Instagram posts that he has a sudden opening, what do you get?

You can only eat one Jersey Walk staple for the rest of the time, what is it?(Obligatory)

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Niko Stratis

Niko Stratis is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in outlets like SPIN, Bitch, Xtra, Catapult and more. Her work mainly focuses on culture, the 1990s, queer/trans topics and as often as possible where all these ideas intersect. She wrote this article on Jackass that you liked and also the one on Gin Blossoms. She is also the creator and host of V/A Club, a podcast about movie soundtracks. Niko lives in downtown Toronto with her fiancé, their dog and 2 cats. She is cancerous.

Niko wrote 7 articles for us.

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